HAPPY 8 YEAR ANNIVERSARY

We made it to 8 years - it is hard to believe. I joke with Nick we made it 8 years and nothing to show for it, we are like newlyweds still (oh well life doesn't always go as you plan). We are still having fun and doing fun things, for Memorial Day we went to Colorado (Denver/Colorado Springs/Grand Junction) for a little get-away since we are probably not going to Pennsylvania because flights are so expensive and because of money reasons. We are trying to get out of debt except for our house - so just Nick's car and one student loan left and we are close. My parents may come out to visit in February, so I hope they can do that. For our anniversary we went to Spark Restaurant in Downtown Provo in the Wells Fargo Building. It was trying to look like a club in NY or LA - it was expensive but had good food and luckily I had a buy one get one free coupon which made it cheaper. Then we went to Cascade Driving Range and drove some golf balls (we had a coupon for that too.) Then we went to The Chocolate in Orem for dessert (I got my birthday cake there this year) they have the best desserts - we just shared a slice of chocolate cake mmmmmm! Then for some bigger plans we are going to downtown Ogden for a night and staying at the Marriott (because I got a great deal on priceline.com) and we will go to the Ogden Temple before they tear it down. We are going up for Nick's cousin's wedding reception and thought we would make a weekend of it. We will probably also walk around 24th street I think it is called, it looks like they have a lot of fun shops.

I AM FINALLY READING A BOOK!

I am finally reading a book for interest reasons (which hasn't happened for I can't even remember in how long). It is a book called Fall to Pieces by Mary Forsberg Weiland (who is the ex-wife of rock star Scott Weiland). This book tells all the things famous people like to hide about their lives - childhood, depression, wild fits, drug use, metal illness and how things came to be and what all was happening at different points in their lives. It has always been a "dream" I guess you could call it to have a rock star boyfriend/husband (if that is possible ;) ) So this showed me the dark side of it - but not completely dark - I was surprised at how much he truly loved her (because most just love their music and truly never really love someone and also he seemed pretty faithful to her according to the book). This book is really interesting to me. Nick comments about me wasting my time reading it when I could be reading more important things (I am also finishing up Elder Holland's book) but I can really relate to this book and the author and Scott (which is weird). That must be why I can relate with his music so much. I never really felt I fit in anywhere (in this world) school, never really had any best friends, I am still kinda a loner. The only difference is they took drugs to escape it all where as I hate to even take pills for headaches and would be terrified to stick myself with a needle. I also had the gospel which helps - even if no one understands me God does. I am happy in my life - Nick is the closest thing I can get to a rock star with out having one - we like the same music, he use to have the facial hair like one, and he thinks he is one and acts like one! ;)

THE HOLIDAYS ARE OFFICIALLY HERE!

It is crazy to think there is less than a month till Christmas when I am really not in the Christmas mood yet - probably because we went on our yearly vacation in October which messed up the whole year going on your vacation in the fall, anyway. I listened to classic rock while putting up my Christmas tree (is that weird ha! ha!) I have my work Christmas party this Tuesday, which again it doesn't feel right. I am excited for Christmas this year because it could be a Christmas like no other - my parents are coming out and if the weather is good we are planning on going to Malibu to visit my brother Joe & his wife. Christmas always feels different when you are not home (but much doesn't go on when you don't have kids - just a cat to give presents to) I guess we will just have to open presents early. It will be nice to get away from the cold for awhile - I am not enjoying the cold this year and it hasn't even gotten the coldest it will. I am also stumped about what to get for Christmas this year everything I thought we could use has gotten nixed by Nick who says we can't afford it - Pool Table (Can't Afford It), Surround Sound System (Can't Afford It), besides that I have no idea what we could want or use - so it doesn't matter we won't be in town for Christmas ;)

Ghetto Blog

I just started this and have no idea what I am doing. I can make a decent website but can't figure this blog thing out worth anything. I really just started this to get a free gift card from my work, because I really didn't want to start a blog since I already spend too much time on facebook as it is. But maybe this will be therapeutic and good to write my feelings down (since I am bad at keeping a journal anymore).

I was just reflecting how fast this year has gone by and that it is almost over. This year has been crazy - so much has happened and we did so much it seems.

This past year I decided to take trying to have a baby more seriously (after trying for about 5 years now) and also deal with pain issues I have been having all my life associated with it - but it seems like it was all done in vain. The surgery has eased my pain a bit (but hasn't cut the pain out completely like I was hoping for) and as far as the baby thing NOTHING. I am at a point in my life I have no real direction - I have prayed endlessly about it and haven't received any real strong answer about what should be our next step. I just looked on LDS Services and there are like over 400 names on the parents waiting list, I called about being a possible foster parent they never returned my call (so I feel like that maybe a sign) . To me it seems like Heavenly Father also holds out till I can't take anymore - I try and remember another trial with Nick getting a full time job, how long we had to wait for that blessing (which is part of the reason I was waiting to have a child in the first place) it eventually happened and I was so grateful and it worked out perfectly. I try and hold on to that situation for my faith in this situation and many other experiences in my life but it is getting very hard and I am losing my strength.