THE HOLIDAYS ARE OFFICIALLY HERE!

It is crazy to think there is less than a month till Christmas when I am really not in the Christmas mood yet - probably because we went on our yearly vacation in October which messed up the whole year going on your vacation in the fall, anyway. I listened to classic rock while putting up my Christmas tree (is that weird ha! ha!) I have my work Christmas party this Tuesday, which again it doesn't feel right. I am excited for Christmas this year because it could be a Christmas like no other - my parents are coming out and if the weather is good we are planning on going to Malibu to visit my brother Joe & his wife. Christmas always feels different when you are not home (but much doesn't go on when you don't have kids - just a cat to give presents to) I guess we will just have to open presents early. It will be nice to get away from the cold for awhile - I am not enjoying the cold this year and it hasn't even gotten the coldest it will. I am also stumped about what to get for Christmas this year everything I thought we could use has gotten nixed by Nick who says we can't afford it - Pool Table (Can't Afford It), Surround Sound System (Can't Afford It), besides that I have no idea what we could want or use - so it doesn't matter we won't be in town for Christmas ;)

Ghetto Blog

I just started this and have no idea what I am doing. I can make a decent website but can't figure this blog thing out worth anything. I really just started this to get a free gift card from my work, because I really didn't want to start a blog since I already spend too much time on facebook as it is. But maybe this will be therapeutic and good to write my feelings down (since I am bad at keeping a journal anymore).

I was just reflecting how fast this year has gone by and that it is almost over. This year has been crazy - so much has happened and we did so much it seems.

This past year I decided to take trying to have a baby more seriously (after trying for about 5 years now) and also deal with pain issues I have been having all my life associated with it - but it seems like it was all done in vain. The surgery has eased my pain a bit (but hasn't cut the pain out completely like I was hoping for) and as far as the baby thing NOTHING. I am at a point in my life I have no real direction - I have prayed endlessly about it and haven't received any real strong answer about what should be our next step. I just looked on LDS Services and there are like over 400 names on the parents waiting list, I called about being a possible foster parent they never returned my call (so I feel like that maybe a sign) . To me it seems like Heavenly Father also holds out till I can't take anymore - I try and remember another trial with Nick getting a full time job, how long we had to wait for that blessing (which is part of the reason I was waiting to have a child in the first place) it eventually happened and I was so grateful and it worked out perfectly. I try and hold on to that situation for my faith in this situation and many other experiences in my life but it is getting very hard and I am losing my strength.